The Black Barbie Chronicles: Black Barbie Learns to Eat Out



Did I ever tell you guys about the time I ate out? On my own with no Korean in tow? It started off bad, but it ened up great. Check out this story.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra


I scored! Well, some free kimbap, which is the Korean version of sushi. You don’t understand this feat required nothing less of me being a fucking moron. I did this the same way I managed to score with free drinks and me, just being an idiot. People seem to think this an enduring quality about me. Either that or they believe me to be on the autism spectrum or straight up retarded. Who cares? I get free shit, either way, they look at it.

Now, this is not my first time eating out since I arrived in Busan. Come on, I’m from Texas, and we LOVE to eat. I have been out and about here in Busan checking out the usual delights of the sea; raw fish, octopus, and some other random shit some fisherman fished out the sea that day. Naturally, I was with Moon Yeoung and tried not to hurt his feelings, but it’s hard to eat something when it’s staring right at you. Of course, back in Texas Land, all that shit would be covered in cornmeal and deep-fried. Like trying out a new sex position, not bad, but chances of me doing it again are nil.

I did manage to go out again with a sexy Korean acquaintance who I was trying to chat up and see what I could see. He took me to this incredible fire chicken place and then his place. Let’s just say the chicken place left a better satisfying memory worthy of a repeat performance.

Another time I went out was again with Moon Yeong and his “friend.” I say friend because I think the only reason I was with them was to throw off suspicion from what the young man really meant to him. Anyway, this place had an incredible cheesy-rice-rice cake- spicy chicken dish. This shit was great, filling, and cheap, much like me. I must remember the actual name of the dish so I can get it by myself again.

With that being said, those were the only times I’ve eaten out. Most of the time, I pick up some fast food or cook something or the other in my little apartment. However, I have yet had the balls to go out on my own and order anything. I’m too chicken shit. For some reason, I could hop on a plane and travel to the other side of the world, no problem. Walking into a Korean restaurant by myself to order a meal, fucking problem.

After being a pussy for a little over a month, I found my balls and decided one Sunday night to find a place in my hood to get something to eat. The selection on my block was a little limited since I didn’t care for seafood. Well, that knocked out 75% of my choices. I didn’t feel like being shitfaced at a bar alone; I could do that at home. After walking around like some shifty homeless person, I decided to try a place a couple of blocks from my home.

Just because I found the place, getting inside was a lot tougher! After looking like I’m casing the joint, I went in. Three women sitting by the door told me hello in Korean, and I smiled and took a booth near the window. One of the women brought me a menu and a bowl of warm nuts. I love nits. It looks like these ladies had my dream job, sitting around boozing until someone walks in. Where do I sign up for this gig?

Another lady then came up to me and wanted my order. I knew what I wanted, but had no clue how to communicate this to her. She wanted to know if I wanted soju or beer. For those not in the know, soju is a very cheap alcoholic beverage. It’s hard to describe, but it tastes like ass and will get you fucked up quicker that Everclear and Moonshine.

Again, I was not here for booze, but food. Thankfully my middle school drama skills kicked in. I rubbed my stomach and ate off an imaginary plate with a big ass smile on my face. Now, the good news, baby girl got the message since she went to the same school I did. However, she puts both her arms to make an X meaning no food at this place. Of all the joints, my dumb ass walks into the only one not serving food. Fuck my luck.

I thanked her for the nuts and began to leave the place. The woman shows me the way out, and I’m smiling like an ass. However, she surprises me. She is following me down the street and pointing out how she’s going to show me where I can get some food. Bless her.

We then stop at a place, not a few feet from her bar. She tells me, kimbap? Kimbap good. I nod my head and smile and tell that kimbap would be good. We walk in, and she tells me to take a seat. She then goes up to the counter and places the order. She then gestures me to wait that the food would be ready soon.

Get this shit; she then proceeds to tell me no money is needed since paid for it! Now let’s recap, I staked out this bar. I walked into this woman’s bar like a jackass wanting dinner. They don’t serve dinner. She then takes me a place to get dinner, and pays for it! WTH! This is my reward for being a complete jackass. I think I’m going to like this country.

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Music Sunday: K Michelle


I really do love them all!  Have a good one.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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Erotic Fridays: Edna St. Vincent Millay


Knowing what we know about her, this can be taken a couple of ways, much like myself! Anyway, I think Death is a metaphor for people not really following a “traditional” lifestyle.  Then again, maybe I’m reading too much into this. Either way, this poem really speaks to me and you can trust me with all the passwords.  Have a great day.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

Conscientious Objector

By Edna St. Vincent Millay

I shall die, but

that is all that I shall do for Death.

I hear him leading his horse out of the stall;

I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.

He is in haste; he has business in Cuba,

business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.

But I will not hold the bridle

while he clinches the girth.

And he may mount by himself:

I will not give him a leg up.

Though he flick my shoulders with his whip,

I will not tell him which way the fox ran.

With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where

the black boy hides in the swamp.

I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death;

I am not on his pay-roll.

I will not tell him the whereabout of my friends

nor of my enemies either.

Though he promise me much,

I will not map him the route to any man’s door.

Am I a spy in the land of the living,

that I should deliver men to Death?

Brother, the password and the plans of our city

are safe with me; never through me Shall you be overcome.

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Throwback Thursday: The Night Market


This woman was so sweet and friendly. We also got some extra chicken as well!  Again, good times in Cambodia.


F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra


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Prince: U Got The Look


Prince, the only mother who could rock, heels, fur, and eyeliner AND still steal your girl!  Enjoy.


F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra


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Travel Tuesday: Iguazu Falls

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Here’s a place I would like to visit one day.

Aguazú Falls or Iguaçu Falls are waterfalls of the Iguazu River on the border of the Argentine province of Misiones and the Brazilian state of Paraná. Together, they make up the largest waterfall in the world. The falls divide the river into the upper and lower Iguazu

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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The Black Barbie Chronicles: Black Barbie Bringing Lispy Back


Hey, did you guys know I have a lisp? Not bad, but not good for someone who’s teaching English.  Check out this little ditty about me having to teach punctuation.


F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

Black Barbie Bringing Lispy Back

For anyone who has taken a chance to listen to the words flying out of mouth may notice two things. One, depending on how drunk or fast I’m speaking I have the Texas Twang. The second is a lisp.

When I just a little Baby Black Barbie, my parents thought something was wrong with me. Well, there was, but this was different. My ass was thrown into speech therapy for a few years to correct the lisp. However, like my bad taste in me, the therapy didn’t stick.
I do have the ability to speak without the lisp, but it’s hard. Most of the time it feels unnatural, like sex with an ugly man, I don’t do it since both actions would be forced.

Believe me; I have stopped giving a fuck about what I sound like to other people many moons ago. There is no real excuse for my lisp. Everything seems to work fine like my tongue, and my jaw shape is fine. I’ve decided that’s the way the good Lord made, and who the hell am I to question his wisdom. Black Barbie has a lisp, so deal with it, folks.
Now several of my sadistic friends get a kick out hearing me say fifth or physics, but I expect that from the jackasses I hang out with. You should hear how I tease them!

After a while, I had forgotten about my lisp; that is until today. I did something fun today at the request of one of my co-teachers to teach pronunciation. This stupid, mind-numbing exercise is, however, a necessity to my poor students and my co-teacher. I swear Mr. Kim’s lucky he’s hot or this shit would never happen.

Anyway, we are trying to recognize and differentiate between similar sounds. I think you can pretty figure out where this shit’s going to go. The sounds were “z” and “s.” Now, I had no issues with shoes and zoos. My problem came with rattling off a list of s-words with the quickness.

You know I actually got away with it. Now I heard how I fucked up the words, but my kids didn’t. Then again, I’m sorry to say with their accents I really couldn’t tell if they messed up or not. I lied and said that they did a good job, now go and practice. Yep, no fucks were given that day.

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