Black Barbie Chronicles: I Am So Over It

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Oh, I think I had one of these a week in Korea where I tried to do the right thing but people kept pissing me off.  Anyway, check out what happens when I just say fuck it and get real. Enjoy the read and keeping sending me mail. I love the response, I really do.

F. M. Laster

“I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.” -Mae West

Black Barbie is So Over it

I have my days, and today’s that day. I am so over it. I am just done with everything that is happening in my little bubble I call my life. I really shouldn’t be surprised since I felt the same way back in Texas Land. Some days are clear, while others are a total blurring one into the next. It feels like time is flying but I am staying still.

Like the road to hell, which is paved with good intentions, my intentions have pretty much been shot to hell. I know, I know, the last person who should be closed-minded is me. I preached to the heavens about being open-minded, getting a passport and seeing the fucking world before you die. Today is the day that shit has gotten old. It has come to the point where being “ The Black Girl in Korea” is getting old fast.

It can be emotionally draining to go thru each day being misunderstood and failing to understand. Korea has so many little rules and regulations; it can be hard to keep up. Many a time I think to myself fuck it; I’m blowing this one-horse town and get my ticket back home. Oh, the people I’ve killed in my head on a daily basis would shock even serial killers.

When I get “ The Mean Reds,” I would reminisce about weird shit. Shit which makes no sense as to why the hell I’m remembering it. Like the time I got up early one Sunday morning to make peanut butter cookies with my dad. Or the time I went crabbing with my granddad and we had a crab boil right on the beach!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not homesick. Home is where I make it. I think, and I hate to say it, I miss my family. I miss having a connection to people who have known me from birth — people who have seen the worse, and beyond and still love me. I think I miss the simple things I did with them because they understand me and love me for me. That’s it, and I’ll never be able to replace them. However, doing weekly pub crawls and making out with American servicemen sure helps to pass the time!

 

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