Wayback Wednesday: Snoop, Nate & Xhibit

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If this song don’t get you fired up mid-week, I don’t know what will!  Have a good one!

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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Travel Tuesday: Cappadocia, Turkey

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Yet another place in Turkey I did not get a chance to see. Damn, next time; next time.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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Black Barbie Chronicles: A Girl Embarrasses Her Handler

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Well, after taking all of those damn tests, I finally get the results back.  Naturally, everything is in Korean, and guess who gets to explain it all to me? My handler.  Well, of course, there’s a story otherwise it would never make it into the Black Barbie Chronicles.  Check it out below.  As usual, enjoy, cry, laugh, rate!

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

A Girl Embarrasses Her Handler

      So, I got the results from my medical tests. Good news, I am not a dirty foreigner! Yeah, but there was some news, which embarrassed my poor, dear handler, Moon Yeoung. It seems that I am anemic with low iron in my blood. The doctor is explaining all this to Moon Yeoung and he is turning red in the face as the seconds pass. Why he is turning red is beyond me. I do not understand this at all. However, the two men are deep in conversation. The doctor is looking at me, pointing to my test results, looking at my co-teacher, who in turn is looking at me. Again, not sure what the hell is going on, but I am starting to panic.

Could it be that the low iron is a ruse in order to get me deported? Could I actually have transmitted some sick dirty foreigner disease and no one wants to tell me? Could I be pregnant? That one had me really scratching my head and wondering how the hell I was going to explain this one. I mean, it’s been a minute…..Hey mom and dad, yeah, I’m back from Korea because I’m pregnant. I’m not sure how cool Korea is with the whole bastard child thing, but I really don’t think that will work with people who are really fresh off the boat. What the hell did I think this is, America?

After what seems like eternality, I grab Moon Yeoung and ask him what is going on? Check out this shit:

Me: Moon Yeoung, well?

Moon Yeoung: Uh, it’s okay, just small problem.

Me: What problem?

Moon Yeoung: You have some blood issues and need to take things for it.

Okay, now I’m worried? Do I really have some dirty disease that I don’t know about? Am I dying? WTF? People.

As if on comic cue, a female nurse walks by, Moon Yeoung signals her. Here we get my medical concerns are being discussed with my handler, my doctor, and some random nurse who happened to come along. They are all looking at my test results, looking at me, and then back to the test results. Again, I cannot take this shit any longer.

Me: Hey, what’s wrong?

Nurse: Hello, your test show anemia. You will need iron. Seaweed would be good and take iron pills from pharmacy.

Me: Okay, so I’m not understanding what is so hard about telling me that.

Nurse: Oh, he (pointing to Moon Yeoung), did not know how to ask you about your periods.

Me: (total look of confusion on my face) My what????

Nurse: Your period. If you have a lot, then it would explain anemia. You need to take iron.

Me: Oh, okay. No worries. I will take iron and tell the doctor yes, I have a lot.

Poor Moon Yeoung now knows more than he cares to know about female reproduction than he cared to know that day. He also learned that I have heavy periods. Anyway, the nice doctor told me the best pills to take and gave me some to take home. He also gave me some medicine for “pep” and to get some more from the pharmacy. He even wrote it down and everything. Not sure what “pep” was, but if I were someplace else other than Korea, I would think they were some version of amphetamines. Damn, they were good. Thanks, Korea for getting me high my first few days here.

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Music Sunday: Beyonce

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I love this video on a Sexy Sunday!  Have a good one.

 

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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Noir Saturday: Underworld USA

underworld-usa-md-webUnderworld U.S.A. (also known as Underworld USA) is a 1961 American neo-noir crime film produced, written and directed by Samuel Fuller. It tells the story of a fourteen-year-old boy who goes to enormous lengths to get revenge against the mobsters who beat his father to death.

Check it out tonight @ 11PM CST on TCM or tomorrow morning @ 9AM CST on TCM. Check out the trailer below.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

 

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Erotic Friday: Robert Herrick

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This next selection of erotic comes from the English poet, Robert Herrick.

Born on August 24, 1591, Robert Herrick was the seventh child and fourth son born to a London goldsmith, Nicholas, and his wife, Julian Stone Herrick. When Herrick was fourteen months old, his father died. At age 16, Herrick began a ten-year apprenticeship with his uncle. The apprenticeship ended after only six years, and Herrick, at age twenty-two, matriculated at Saint John’s College, Cambridge. He graduated in 1617.

Over the next decade, Herrick became a disciple of Ben Jonson, about whom he wrote five poems. In 1623 Herrick took holy orders, and six years later, he became vicar of Dean Prior in Devonshire. His post carried a term for a total of thirty-one years, but during the Great Rebellion in 1647, he was removed from his position because of his Royalist sympathies. Following the restoration of Charles II, Herrick was reinstated at Dean Prior where he resided from 1662 until his death in October 1674. He never married, and many of the women mentioned in his poems are thought to have been fictional.

His principal work is Hesperides; or, the Works Both Human and Divine of Robert Herrick, Esq. (1648). A group of religious poems printed in 1647 appear within the same book under a separate title page bearing the name His Noble Numbers. The entire collection contains more than 1200 short poems, ranging in form from epistles and eclogues to epigrams and love poems. Herrick was influenced by classical Roman poetry and wrote on pastoral themes, dealing mostly with English country life and village customs.

(from poets/org/poet/robert-herrick)
Check out this lovely piece of poetry to get your Friday started. Enjoy

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

 

Upon Julia’s Clothes
by Robert Herrick

Whenas in silks my Julia goes,
Then, then, methinks, how sweetly flows
The liquefaction of her clothes.

Next, when I cast mine eyes and see
That brave vibration each way free,
Oh, how that glittering taketh me!

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Throwback Thursday: Jordan Pics

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I truly feel in love with this museum in Jordan.  That’s why there are so many picture of me here!

 

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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Wayback Wednesday: Eminem

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“Two to the one from the one to the three,

like good pussy and I like good trees”

Nothing like some Nate Dogg to get the day started!

 

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

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Travel Tuesday: Pamukkale, Turkey

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This was by far one of my regrets that I did not get a chance to view this beautiful place when I was in Turkey.  Hopefully, I’ll see it in the next 2 years???

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

 

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Black Barbie Chronicles: What The Hell??!! Part 2

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As promised, here is Part 2 of my “medical”. Enjoy, laugh, cry, and rate!

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

 

What The Hell??!!! Part 2

So here is part 2 of The Medical Visit. After paying my hefty fee of the equivalent of 100 dollars, and checking in I begin with my first lie. The woman behind the counter asks if I’m fasting. I say yeah. She nods her head happy to hear that. I think that if I said no, I would need to return later and no that’s not happening. Then I start to think; these people are looking for HIV and drugs; why does it matter if I’m fasting or not. Now I’m not a medical professional, but I’m sure that failing to fast will result in positive HIV and drug results. Unless there was a class or two I missed in basic science about drug usage and how disease spreads. Man, if they check my liver, it is game over. I try not worry about that. I just give the lady my 2 passport photos, my money, told Moon Yeoung bye and I’ll see him later. I then proceeded to disappear down the hall to Medical Check Land.

The first stop in Medical Check Land is to get naked. One of the women at the front desk led me to a locker room and gave me a spiral key with a number one it. The number went to my locker. Sweet little lady pointed to the room and said “hospital gown; you change-e”. I knew I had to get naked and naked I did. Well I kept my panties on; no need to go full Porky Pig.

What surprised me about the Korean gown was that the fucker fitted. It fitted with ample room to spare. I did not have to settle for the mythical one size fits all gown; they had big girl gowns here in Korea. Now that I am changed, prepped, and primed let’s follow the steps to The Medical Check.

Step 1- The Urine Sample

It’s pee in a cup time people. Now when I say pee in a cup, that is what I did; I peeded into a cup. I was handed a Dixie cup with my name on it and told to fill it up and then I had to place that Dixie cup on tray with other up covered Dixie cups of urine. Did I also mention that NONE of the nurses were wearing gloves? Anyhoo, on to step 2.

Step 2- The Blood Sample

After giving up some urine for The Cause, now it was time to give Korea some blood. Now I have issues with giving blood. It can be hard to find a vein, they collapse and they tend to criss cross. Now while I’m trying to think how to relay this tidbit of info to the tech, he turns my arm over, slap some alcohol on my skin, ties me off, taps a vein and sticks me. This man did this in a matter seconds; which is kind of scary. He actually fills up a couple of tubes with no issues. I have had to get stuck several times in the states, but here in Korea, no problems. It kind of makes me wonder what else this man can do just as easily. Did I also mention the dude did this with no frigging gloves! Gloves it seems are for pussies here in Korea Land. Anyway on to the next step, the physical.

Step 3-The Basic Physical

Now when I say basic, I mean basic. A nurse took my blood pressure, height, weight, and looked at my eyes and ears. She checked a box on my form and sent me on my way. Yea, radiation time.

Step 4- The Chest X-Ray

I walk down a corridor to the x-ray room. I see the machine, but the tech is behind the glass playing with his phone. I tap on the window to get the wanker’s attention; I have shit to do to today. My drinks won’t drink themselves. The poor man comes out the room looking embarrassed that I caught him on his phone. I guess he was looking at porn; who knows? He then positions me on the machine how he wants me; like many a guy has done in the past. (Smile). He then tells me to take a bath. I said, “What”? He then repeats the request. After looking at the confused look on my face, he holds up his finger for me to wait, runs into the room and looks on his phone. I see him slap his head and he puts his phone down and runs out.

“Oh, so sorry. Please take a breath”.

This guy is all smiles as I take a deep breath while he runs back into the room to take my picture. All’s good and then he points me down the hall to see the doctor for my last and final stop, The Interview.

Step 5-The Interview

I walk into a very and I mean very formal office with an oak desk, bookcase, chairs and a curtain hiding an exam bed. I have never been in such a fancy office. The man’s degrees are all over the wall. A nurse comes to him and hands him a slip of paper. He looks at it and then asks me if I have an infectious disease and do I take narcotics.

Uh, duh, no! I answered no and he wrote my answers down and told me to have a good day. The nurse is then instructing me to return back to the locker, change my clothes, and I’ll have the results in a few days. While getting dressed I thought a lot about my medical interview. I mean did the man think that I would come thousand of miles and answer yes to either question. I mean you would have to be pretty stupid to come this far and say yes. Then again, stranger things have happened and maybe, someone did do something as stupid as that once upon a time. Anyway, it’s off for drinks and awaiting my results.

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